Cliché, Anyone?
by Ma Chat
Summary: You've all seen it before. The typical SasuNaru fanfiction. This could possibly be the WORST fanfiction ever... You know you want to read it.
1. LOL CLICHES

A/N: It was a completely random idea, okay? (I was bored and was racking my brain for ideas for the next chapter of "Vice Versa," also, so this came into my mind and I felt the need to write it…)

I'MDISCLAIMINGI'MDISCLAIMINGI'MDISCLAIMING

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Cliché, Anyone?

.: Begin the WORST Fanfiction Ever :.

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"I love you, Sasuke."

"I love you too."

This was the typical conversation for Sasuke and Naruto. It always started with the blonde saying something along the lines of, "You're a bastard, teme. I dislike you. This is me disliking you. See my face? This is my 'I dislike Sasuke' face, and it means that I dislike you, Sasuke.'

Sasuke would shrug it off with a "Hn," which no one really knew the meaning of. The Uchiha said it frequently, and yet no one bothered to break the news to him that it wasn't an existing word. It would break his poor heart, and he would have to start saying, "I don't really care about what you just said, and I would give a word expressing my feelings but sadly, there is none, so I'll just say 'I don't care.' Because, you know, I don't." You see? No one wants that.

Now, around this time, Naruto would get angry, annoyed, irritated- just because he knows that all of these are cool synonyms. "You teme!" He enjoyed saying that, even if technically 'teme' means 'you' in a derogatory way. But no one cared. They made up words all the time. "You're such an arrogant, haughty, stuck-up prick!" Oh, how we adore synonyms. Sasuke would look up at his comment and give an exaggerated sigh.

Exaggerated, meaning it was long and no one really sighs for more than three seconds. But not Sasuke. His sighs were _exaggerated. _"Dobe, go away. I hate you. I thought you said you disliked me. Go dislike me somewhere else- silently." Poor Sasuke needed a synonym for dislike very badly. But alas, Naruto had no word to fill his needs, so his just decided to not talk anymore.

"I-I… Oh, Sasuke!" Naruto would blurt out, leaping into the strong man's arms. "I don't dislike you! I actually the opposite of disliking you, which would be love! I love you, Sasuke! For no apparent, logical reason, I love you!" With this being said, he would lay a soft, tender kiss on the brunette's lips, and somewhere in the background mariachi bands began playing music. Sasuke would hesitate. After a moment of thinking absolutely nothing, he would then kiss back, stapling an index card with the word 'UKE' on it to Naruto's forehead.

That is when Sasuke would suddenly turn into a pervet/pedophile.

The blonde squealed with joy and wrote 'SEME' on Sasuke's arm with a black sharpie.

Then they would have hot sex because Sasuke magically _always _carried around a bottle of lube, and give birth to many babies, even if they were both guys.

It didn't matter.

Nothing in fan fiction ever matters.

That's why everyone always makes Sasuke seme, even if he's actually the girly one.

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A/N: -runs away- Please no flaming.

-is shot-


	2. LOL MORE CLICHES

A/N: I changed this from a one-shot, because writing clichés are just so fun. XD

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Sasuke, more often than not, just so happened to be Naruto's teacher. And he just so happened to be brilliant, handsome, and clever. Oh, and he had really shiny shoes. Now, Naruto was not smart- At all. He spent fifteen hours a day on his Playstation and never studied, so on the first day of school, he failed the first test given to him.

Sasuke scowled. And glared. And scowled more. And glared until his eyes were hardly open. But then he couldn't see Naruto anymore, so he just decided to open them again. "Uzumaki," he called- He always called Naruto by his last name. It was law. "You have detention." Naruto pouted and whined and complained and yelled, ranting inside his mind about how _ugly _and _stupid _his teacher was. He would _never _like him. Never _ever_. _Never ever- ever. _And that was final.

Sasuke thought of many ways to ravish the blonde. 'Hmm,' he thought, 'I could always tell him knock-knock jokes. Yeah…that would _so _get him hard. Then I could rape him. Oh, yes.'

Later that day, Naruto got detention and was "raped" by his teacher. Fifteen minutes afterward, he realized, Oh _my MY_, that he had a secret love for the sexy brunette! So they continued having sex on every student's desk, not caring that no one had left because class didn't let out for another ten minutes.

Whoopsie.

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Naruto was a girl. A pretty, girly girl. He looked so much like a girl, in fact, that whilst walking down the street one day, a man called, "Hey you! You with no tits! You look like a girl! But with no tits!"

Naruto fumed. Why, he couldn't possibly look like a woman! He ran to the nearest puddle of water, and sure enough, he looked very girlish. Damn him for not owning a mirror! He frowned a girly frown and walked away. It was then that he met Sasuke- a man that didn't look like a girl at all. Naruto loved him the minute their eyes connected! Okay, so maybe Sasuke was looking at the billboard behind him, but that was beside the point. It was love at first sight(-ish)!

"Wowyou'resohot!" Naruto exclaimed.

Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He was very good at that. "Why is your sentence all bunched together?"

Naruto blushed a girly blush. "Sorry. I said, 'You're hot!' Which you are!"

Sasuke scoffed and brushed a lock of raven hair out of his eyes. God knows why they didn't just call it "black hair", but whatever makes people happy. "I know I am," he replied nonchalantly. "Wanna get hitched and make babies?"

Naruto rubbed the back of his head. "Uh, I'm a guy."

Sasuke smirked. "It's okay. I'm gay."

Naruto practically beamed- What a lucky day! What a lucky, girly day! He and Sasuke had sex, and OMG, they didn't even have to use condoms because they were guys! Wow, it was the best, and most girly, day of Naruto's life. And then he died.

He died a very girly death- by choking on a popsicle. What irony.

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A/N: Got some more clichés you want written out? Review and tell me, and I shall write them!


	3. LOL MORE MORE CLICHES

A/N: I can't resist! Writing clichés are the most fun I've had for a while. Aheehee.

* * *

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.: And More Clichés:.

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"Oi, Sasuke, why you have such pointy teeth?"

Sasuke chuckled, because it was a very Sasuke-like thing to do. "Because, Naruto…I am actually a _vampire_!"

"I don't believe it!" Naruto gasped.

Sasuke then bit Naruto on the neck and drank his blood- What, did you think he was just going to stare at him for the entire story? Oh, no, far from that. So he drank the blood of his soon-to-be-lover, enjoying the mewls and gasps Naruto gave in response.

Oh, wait! What was this? Was he actually _enjoying _it? (It was kind of like having tubes connected to your neck and draining your body of energy, but whatever. Naruto obviously had a sick, twisted interest in those things.) Sasuke smirked. (He never smiled- Never. It was not possible. He only _smirked_.) "Naruto, do you like it when I suck your blood?"

"I do not know, Sasuke," Naruto whimpered like a puppy dog. (Dogs whimper, right? Yes, so he whimpered, thus making him like a puppy dog.) "Why don't we have sex and find out?"

"What does sex have to do with _anything_?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto shrugged. "Sex has to do with _everything_, Sasuke. Now shut up and stick your-"

**MESSAGE DISCONTINUED BECAUSE THAT'S IRONY AND IRONY IS VERY IRONIC IN STORIES LIKE THIS.**

So Sasuke and Naruto had sex, and Naruto ended up becoming a mutant vampire thingy with five toes and braided hair.

That is, until he died. He died, and Sasuke got sad. "My precious little thing!" he cried, holding Naruto in his arms. It began raining. How angst-filled it was. "I haven't yet the chance to hold you through thunderstorms, because apparently you get afraid during them! Oh, woe is me!"

He took out his handy-dandy razor and started cutting himself up. He cried too. Then, he put on eyeliner to make it more efficient, so it was smeared all over his face and stuff. He cut himself so much his left arm fell off, and he couldn't cut anymore because the blood loss was too great. So he died too.

He and Naruto's very dead bodies stayed there until a magical pixie came along and brought Naruto back to life. Naruto then saw the dead Sasuke, started crying, and picked up the used razor. It was practically a gift from the gods! he thought, and began cutting himself.

He ended up with tetanus, so he didn't cut himself anymore. Instead, he went on to get a job at McDonalds, where he worked undercover as a secrety-secret agent.

And Sasuke- well, he was a very dead vampire from that day forward.

(UNTIL A UNICORN CAME ALONG AND MADE HIM ALL BETTER LOL)

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There are no words. And tell me anymore clichés. I'd be happy to write them out. :D Maybe I'll write something about all these chat-room stories...


	4. LOL MORE MORE MORE CLICHES

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Glad people are enjoying this.

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.:Oh snap:.

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The truth is, Sasuke and Naruto were _really _in high school. Konoha High School- that was the name (because no one was original enough to think of anything else). And in secrety secret, Sasuke was _really _the lead singer of a rock/emo/grunge band that everyone in the entire world loved!

This band was _huge_. So huge, in fact, that Naruto never even noticed the lead singer, Sasuke Uchiha, was sitting in the same classroom as he. He never talked to anyone. But everyone liked him. God knows why- he had hair that looked like a four year-old put super glue and paint on a chicken, oversized T-shirts that made him look like he was trying to steal and smuggle things at the same time, and the most boring catch phrase anyone in the entire world has ever heard.

"You're such a loser."

Naruto rolled his eyes nonchalantly (what a fun word, by the way). "I hate emo pricks like you. Why can't you leave the nerdy, geeky, troublemaking kids, I.e. myself, alone?"

Yes, Naruto was the geek/nerd/troublemaker. He pulled pranks on the school and teachers all the time because really, he had no life. At home, he jacked off all alone and wished he had friends.

"Loser."

And then dozens of blood-thirsty fanfolds would push Naruto (poor Naruto!) out of the scene and smother Sasuke in attention that everyone knows wasn't deserved. Or earned. But whatever. "Oh, Sasuke-kun!" with the nice suffix. "We love you so much! Go on dates with us! Have sex with us all! At the same time! We'll do anything- wash your car, make you a sandwich, we'll even clean your poodle and paint its nails!"

(The last one almost convinced him.)

But Sasuke- oh, he was not swayed. He simply said, "No," and walked away. All the girls swooned. "OMG," they said, "he, like, talked to me!" Then they all spazzed and turned into a pile of pink goo.

It was gym class. Sasuke was a jock. A jock that could play instruments and sing. The mean kind too. He liked to beat up little kids and steal things from homeless people. Naruto was not a jock. He sucked at all sports because that's something ukes do. So of course, during basketball and baseball and football and soccer and tennis and golf, Sasuke whooped his little tush. Naruto was not happy. "I am not happy," he said.

"You're such a loser," Sasuke said.

After school that day, some kid somewhere threw a party. Sasuke went. Naruto did too. How lovely. Now, Sasuke's agent didn't really want him to go. But the raven (What the fuck do ravens have to do with Sasuke? What, was he a new species of bird or penguin or something?) was defiant, and he wanted to go! So he went.

At the party, there was lots of alcohol and music. Everyone was going _crazy! Yeah! _Then everyone started making out! Sasuke didn't though. He didn't like other people. He was asexual. Naruto looked at him. Then he looked away. No! He could _not _be feeling anything for that jock/musician/maybe vampire but definitely not gay dude rather than hate! He hated him. He hated him lots! He wished he would choke on something or get hit by a bus and die!

But then two surviving fan girls started giggling and squealing to themselves. Naruto ignored it though. That is, until he and Sasuke were pushed into the nearest closet (right beside them- how handy), and he heard the lock turn. He twisted the handle desperately. "Oh, shoot!" he would say in a K-T rated fic.

"Hey," Sasuke said to him.

Naruto looked behind him and saw Sasuke. He was smirking. Smirking like a fox, because that is cool symbolism. "Yeah? What is it, guy that I hate?"

Sasuke leaned close. "I'm going to kiss you now," he said huskily (Ha-ha, makes it sound like I just called him a Husky). Naruto nodded in understanding. Sasuke then kissed him, and Naruto gasped. Why did he gasp? No one knew. The blond was completely aware of the kiss. Gasping was the new fad, or somethin'. So he gasped, and he and Sasuke had lots and lots of hot, steamy, totally unexpected sex for the whole night and maybe next week but I don't know.

(Like I'm telling _you_.)

The point is, they did it for a long time. So long that Naruto called Sasuke "Mr. Hankey Pankey". Not really, but wouldn't that just be _great_?

The next whenever they woke up from having sex, Sasuke had a brilliant idea! "Hey Naruto, why don't you join my band?"

"I can't play anything, Sasuke. I is not talented." Naruto started to cry. How sad.

"In my eyes, you are!" Sasuke said. "You are the best thing in the entire world, and I love you."

Naruto smiled. "I love you too, Sasuke."

It was the sweetest and most and corn-filled moment _**EVAR. **_

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AN: I'm just glad people don't flame me for this. -laughs- I still have more clichés to write. Here's the ones you can expect in later chapters:

Rich Sasuke/Poor Naruto

Kyuubi the Hermaphrodite

Hot and Cold scenarios

Reincarnation

Any more suggestions:3


	5. LOL MORE MORE MORE MORE CLICHES

AN: Why is it that all I can ever seem to write are chapters for _this_? Ugh. Anyways. It'll have to do for now- I haven't been in a writing mood for a while.

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.:Why are you still here…?:.

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And in the exciting world of Naruto, Naruto was a fox with orange-ish ears that radiated in the sunlight like big, shiny oranges. Kyuubi, the huge fox thing inside of him, laughed for no reason.

**I love you, kit**, it said in nice bold font. Why bold font? Nobody knows. And why was Naruto always being called "kit" by the hairy pushover? Well…that's a secret that only _I _know. **I love you with every ounce of my big, hairy being. Even if I technically am not a physical being, but a demon sealed within your belly. Why Isn't there ever food floating through here? Hmm…**

Naruto gasped in a fox-like manner. "You do love me? Oh, Kyuubi! I don't know where I learned your name, but do you think you could help me? See that kid over there?"

Over there was across there street. And across the street was Sasuke, sitting on a bench with fluffy, black kitty ears. Naruto grinned like the foxy fox that he was. "That kitty cat looks at me sometimes. I think he shall be my mate! But oh, Kyuubi, how do I tell him?"

**Don't! **Kyuubi mumbled. **Just fuck him. He'll understand.**

"You're so brilliant!" Naruto squealed. "I'm so glad we suddenly became friends that love each other!"

**Yes, **Kyuubi said. **Now I shall wondrously appear in the mortal world as a hermaphrodite and take your childish virginity!**

Naruto did not even get the chance to gasp or whatnot before Kyuubi appeared before him. He/she/it was so neat looking, words could not describe! But it was scary- very scary, with large fangs, pointed ears, and red shiny eyes. Those are the best kind of eyes.

Then it pinned Naruto against a random tree (Trees are the _best _pinning material) and began kissing him and all of that happy-crappy. Of course, Naruto was not amused nor happy nor entertained by any of this. He wanted to go home! Wasn't there someone who could save him from this ugly, hermaphroditic monster?

Just then, Sasuke stopped licking himself and saw Naruto being molested by the weird looking thing. "Hey, no one touches my dobe!" he meowed (Oh, by the way, is dobe some kind of code word or something?), and leaped from the bench with super awesome kitty-speed that would never exist in real life but no one really cares so WHATEVER.

Then he scratched Kyuubi a few times with his kitty cat claws and defeated him heroically, killing him and thus saving Naruto's virginity.

That is, until he took it, and they had lots and lots of strange looking fox-cat babies. Most of them died though. It was kinda sad.

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AN: No, I do not have a life. Thanks for asking, though.

More cliches to come:

Hot/cold scenarios

Rich Sasuke/ Poor Naruto

Mafia-gang leader Sasuke/ homeless-prostitute Naruto

Reincarnation

More? Just tell me!


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